2018 Central Texas

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Dudes & Dames 4 Brains

Happy 2017 Everybody!

 

Well, if you've gone to my personal page, you will have learned a little bit about where I am coming from this year - my 5th year anniversary occurs in May, 2017.  I'd like to share words from my most recent semi-annual oncology appointment.  BUT, before doing that, I'd like to send you to You Tube.  My anthem song.  I haven't heard anything that moved me like this song moves me. It speaks to how I feel every time it is MRI time... The song is Inner Demons and is sung by Julia Brennan.  Please find it on You Tube and listen.  It will be creepy just how in my head you will be. (Insert moo ha ha face)!

 

Every time my phone rings and the words "Texas Oncology" appear, I lose my stomach.  My MRI took place five days before I was scheduled to meet with my oncologist.  I usually schedule my appointments the same day, but this year, that did not work out in December.  It's as though something else was going on in everyone's lives!  Sheesh, the things we'll do to avoid doctors!

 

Texas Oncology appeared on my phone one day after my MRI.  I called back and left a message--then they called me back to tell me that the radiology report (AGAIN!) said "Stable MRI".  "Yeah!" I celebrated.  But see, I know my oncologist better than that.  he is very, VERY thorough.  So I entered his office several days later, stomach churning, as he looked at my MRI results.  My doctor does not just read the MRI results of this past MRI.  He compares them.  He scrolls through them on his monitor as I look away--something about missing brain "parts" gets to me.  He turns to me and begins, "This will not be what kills you."  (You would think at this point, I would say something wonderful, like "WOO HOO!  I am OUTTA here!"  But there's more.  He follows it up by saying that my scar continues to grow.  It has not stabilized since the surgery in 2012.  He keeps looking at the MRIs to make sure he is seeing what he thinks he is seeing.  He admits that he HAS gone back in on another patient and removed this "scar tissue" and that it was not full of glial cells as he'd feared. Again, good news.  But, he follows that up by saying that there is a very real likelihood that what he is seeing does contain those pesky cancerous cells.  He does not want to risk further surgery "just to see" if it IS cancer.  He does not want to risk stroke, further damage to my brain, etc.  So he wants to keep watching me. He wants me to keep going into the MRi tube every six months, just to stay on top of it.  (Inner Demons, y'all... Inner Demons).

 

Since that day I have thought a lot about this past five years.  What I've lost.  What I've gained.  What matters.  Truly matters.  God.  My husband.  My son.  My stepchildren.  My granddaughter.  and I've thanked God that I have had these five years.  I hope that I have lived them as God would have me live them - sadly, I am human and I throw in WAY TOO many cuss words to be fully confident that I am doing all I can to be a "good girl."  Plus, being a good girl all the time just isn't all that fun.  Mostly, I simply shake my head, say out loud, "Okay, God.  This is all you." And wait.  But waiting means loving, living, breathing, golfing, working out, lunching, eating exceptional meals, seeing some awesome movies and some REALLY bad movies.  So I don't wait for the next day, or the next diagnosis.  I wait for life.  For the next breath to escape my body or be taken into my lungs.  Because right now, I AM alive and I have a voice.

 

Please come out and support research and continuing work to find a cure for brain cancer.  We need you.  Those fighting need you.  Those who fought and gave themselves over to research in order to cure me.  You. Someone you love.  Remember, this does not benefit just those fighting brain cancer.  You all know the nuts and bolts of what is going on here.  You understand how important this is to me.  I hope that you will join us.  If you cannot, please donate!  If you "register", you will get a tee shirt (if I remember to send it to you [sorry Roni]; however, if you DONATE instead, the money will be better appreciated.  If you do not intend to walk, please do not sign up to walk.  Just hit the "Make a Donation" button and make sure it goes to Dudes & Dames for Brains!  I'd prefer to have your beautiful selves there, but I will take whatever I can get.

 

Much love to you all!  Let's make my 5 year "clean" race a success!

 

Diane

 

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